LPAs When You Have Children From Different Relationships
Choosing attorneys fairly without creating family conflict takes careful planning.
Written by Anthony Dalton · Reviewed by James Tyrrell · Last reviewed
If you have children from different relationships, choosing who to appoint as attorney on your Lasting Power of Attorney can feel like navigating a minefield. The wrong approach risks creating resentment, perceived favouritism, or outright conflict between children who may already have complicated relationships with each other.
At a glance
- You are not legally required to appoint all your children as attorneys — choose based on ability, not equality
- You can appoint as many attorneys as you wish, or just one
- How you structure the appointment (joint vs joint and several) directly affects how disagreements are handled
- Clear preferences and instructions in your LPA can prevent disputes between children from different relationships
- This guide applies to LPAs made under the law of England and Wales
Why LPAs Are More Complex With Children From Different Relationships
Most LPA guidance assumes a straightforward family unit — two parents, their shared children, perhaps some grandchildren. But modern families are rarely that simple. If you have children from a previous marriage, an earlier relationship, and perhaps your current partnership, the dynamics around your LPA become significantly more complicated.
The core tension is this: the role of attorney is a practical one, not an emotional one. It is about who can manage your finances or make health decisions competently and reliably. But children from different relationships often see it through the lens of fairness, loyalty, and inheritance. Being left out can feel like rejection. Being included can feel like a burden.
Take Graham, who has two adult sons from his first marriage and a teenage daughter from his second. His sons live nearby and have a good relationship with him. His daughter lives with her mother three hours away. Graham’s instinct is to appoint all three children equally, but his daughter is only 16 (you must be 18 to be an attorney), and his sons barely know her. Appointing “all the children” is not always the straightforward solution it appears to be.
Do You Have to Appoint All Your Children as Attorneys?
No. There is no legal obligation to appoint any of your children, let alone all of them. The Mental Capacity Act 2005 simply requires that an attorney be at least 18 years old and have mental capacity. Beyond that, it is entirely your choice.
What matters is selecting someone who is genuinely suited to the role. That means someone who is trustworthy, capable, available, and willing to act in your best interests rather than their own. If one of your children ticks all those boxes and another does not, appointing only the suitable child is the responsible decision — not the unfair one.
Worth knowing: choosing an attorney is not the same as choosing a beneficiary in your will. An LPA is about practical decision-making, not about who you love the most. Making this distinction clear to your family can help prevent hurt feelings.
Choosing Attorneys Based on Ability, Not Fairness
The temptation to treat all children equally is understandable, but an LPA is not a birthday card — you cannot simply put everyone’s name on it and hope for the best. Appointing a child who lives abroad, has no interest in financial matters, or does not get on with their half-siblings can actively harm your interests.
When deciding who to appoint, consider these practical factors:
- Proximity — can they physically attend meetings with banks, care homes, or medical professionals?
- Financial competence — are they comfortable managing money, keeping records, and making investment decisions?
- Emotional resilience — can they make difficult health decisions under pressure, especially around end-of-life care?
- Availability — do they have the time to take on what can be a demanding role?
- Relationship with other children — will they communicate openly with siblings, or will their appointment cause conflict?
Our guide on choosing the right attorney covers these considerations in more detail.
Splitting Roles: One Child for Finances, Another for Health
One practical approach when you have children from different relationships is to split the two types of LPA between different children. You could appoint your son from your first marriage as attorney on your Property and Financial Affairs LPA because he is an accountant who lives nearby, while appointing your daughter from your second marriage on your Health and Welfare LPA because she is a nurse who understands medical decisions.
This approach plays to each child’s strengths and gives both a meaningful role. It can also reduce the perception of favouritism, since each child has responsibility for a different area of your life.
That said, it is not a perfect solution. Health and financial decisions often overlap — for example, deciding whether to fund private care involves both financial and welfare considerations. If the two attorneys do not communicate well, tensions can arise. Make sure both children understand each other’s role and are willing to cooperate.
Key point: Splitting your Property & Financial Affairs LPA and Health & Welfare LPA between different children can work well, but only if those children are willing to communicate and cooperate with each other.
Joint vs Joint and Several: Which Works Better Here?
If you appoint more than one child as attorney on the same LPA, you need to decide how they will work together. This is where the choice between joint and joint-and-several appointments becomes critical.
Here is how each option plays out when your attorneys are children from different relationships:
| Factor | Joint | Joint and Several |
|---|---|---|
| Decision-making | All attorneys must agree on every decision | Any attorney can act independently |
| Risk of deadlock | High — one disagreement blocks everything | Low — decisions can still be made |
| Perceived fairness | Feels equal — everyone has a say | Can cause resentment if one child acts alone |
| If one attorney can't act | The entire LPA may fail | Remaining attorneys continue |
| Practical for distant children | Difficult — all must be involved every time | Works well — the nearest child can handle day-to-day matters |
In practice, joint and several tends to work better when your children are from different relationships. It avoids the risk of one child blocking decisions out of spite or stubbornness, and it allows the child who is geographically closest to handle routine matters without needing to coordinate with everyone else.
If you are worried about one child acting unilaterally, you can add preferences and instructions to your LPA requiring them to consult each other on major decisions — such as selling property or moving you into a care home — while allowing everyday decisions to be made individually.
The Risk of Perceived Favouritism
This is often the biggest worry for parents with children from different relationships. Appointing one child and not another can be interpreted as picking sides, especially if the family dynamics are already strained.
Consider Sarah, who has a 30-year-old daughter, Emma, from her first marriage, and a 22-year-old son, Liam, from her second. Sarah appoints Emma as her sole attorney because Emma is older, more settled, and lives in the same town. Liam interprets this as his mother trusting his half-sister more than him. He feels excluded and it damages his relationship with Sarah.
The reality is that Sarah made a sensible practical decision. But she could have avoided the fallout by having an open conversation with both children before creating her LPA. Explaining your reasoning — that it is about practicality, not preference — can make an enormous difference.
Some approaches that can help:
- Talk to all your children — explain your decision and the reasons behind it before they find out from a solicitor or after you have lost capacity
- Name excluded children as replacement attorneys — this gives them a role without the day-to-day responsibility
- Consider separate roles — split financial and health LPAs between different children so each has a part to play
- Put it in context — make clear that your will treats all children fairly, even if the LPA does not name them all as attorneys
Our guide on having the LPA conversation with your family has practical advice on how to approach these discussions.
What Happens When Children From Different Relationships Disagree
Disagreements between attorneys are always possible, but the risk increases when the attorneys are children from different relationships. They may have different views about your care, different expectations about inheritance, or simply not trust each other.
If your attorneys are appointed jointly, a disagreement on any single decision can paralyse the entire LPA. Neither attorney can act without the other’s agreement. In serious cases, the matter would need to go to the Court of Protection, which is expensive and slow.
If appointed jointly and severally, disagreements are less likely to cause a complete blockage. One attorney can still make decisions. But this can create its own problems — if one child makes a decision the other child disagrees with, it can escalate into a family dispute about the LPA.
What catches people out is that once you have lost capacity, you cannot resolve these disputes yourself. Your children will be left to sort it out between them, or via the courts. The best protection is prevention: choose attorneys who can work together, leave clear instructions, and have honest conversations now.
How Your LPA Interacts With Inheritance Expectations
This is the elephant in the room for many families with children from different relationships. An attorney managing your finances has the power to spend your money — on your care, your bills, your daily needs. Every pound spent is a pound that will not be in your estate when you die.
If your children from a previous relationship expect to inherit, and your child from your current relationship is the attorney spending money on your care, tensions can build quickly. The children who are not involved may suspect that the attorney is spending more than necessary, favouring their own side of the family, or even misusing their powers.
The law is clear: an attorney must act in the donor’s best interests, not to preserve an inheritance. But understanding that legally and accepting it emotionally are two different things. You can help by:
- Making a will alongside your LPA — so everyone knows what you intend. See our guide on whether you need both a will and an LPA
- Being explicit about care preferences — if you would or would not want expensive private care, say so in your LPA preferences
- Requiring record-keeping — ask your attorney to keep detailed financial records that can be shared with other family members
- Appointing a neutral person for finances — if inheritance tensions are severe, consider a professional attorney for financial matters to avoid any perception of bias
Practical Approaches That Work
Every family is different, but here are some approaches that tend to work well when you have children from multiple relationships:
Appoint based on capability and proximity
Choose the child or children best placed to act practically. A child who lives nearby and is financially competent is a better choice than one who lives abroad, regardless of which relationship they come from.
Split the two types of LPA
Give one child responsibility for your finances and another for your health and welfare. This shares the load and plays to individual strengths.
Use joint and several with communication instructions
Appoint children jointly and severally so decisions are not blocked, but add preferences requiring consultation on major decisions. This balances flexibility with oversight.
Name other children as replacement attorneys
If you do not appoint all your children as primary attorneys, consider naming the others as replacement attorneys. They step in only if a primary attorney can no longer act, but it gives them a role and shows you trust them.
Have the conversation early
Do not let your children find out about your LPA decisions after you have lost capacity. Explain your reasoning now, when you can answer questions and address concerns face to face.
When a Professional Attorney Might Be the Answer
Sometimes the family dynamics are too complicated for any child to be the right choice. If your children from different relationships are openly hostile to each other, or if appointing any one of them would cause unacceptable conflict, a professional attorney — such as a solicitor or trust corporation — may be the safest option.
A professional has no emotional stake in family dynamics. They will manage your affairs impartially and keep proper records. The downside is cost — professional attorneys charge ongoing fees that reduce your estate. But if the alternative is a family at war over your care, the cost may be well worth it.
You could also combine approaches: appoint a professional for financial matters (where the inheritance tensions are greatest) and a trusted child for health and welfare decisions (where personal knowledge of your wishes matters more).
Using Preferences and Instructions to Prevent Disputes
Your LPA allows you to include preferences (things you would like your attorneys to consider) and instructions (things your attorneys must follow). When you have children from different relationships, these sections become especially valuable.
Preferences you might include:
- That your attorneys should consult all your children (not just those named as attorneys) before making major decisions
- Your views on private vs NHS care, and how much of your savings you are comfortable spending on care
- That certain assets — such as a family home or savings earmarked for a particular child — should be preserved where possible
- That your attorneys should keep all your children informed about significant financial decisions
Instructions are binding on your attorneys and can cover specific requirements — for example, that your attorneys must not sell your home without first consulting a named family member. Be careful not to make instructions so restrictive that they prevent your attorneys from acting in your best interests.
Key point: Preferences and instructions in your LPA give you a way to set ground rules for how your attorneys should work — and how they should communicate with children who are not named as attorneys.
A Scenario: Making It Work in Practice
David is 62. He has two daughters — Rachel (35) and Sophie (28) — from his first marriage, and a son, Ben (19), from his current marriage. David wants to create LPAs that are fair and practical without causing a family rift.
After thinking it through, David decides on this approach:
- Property & Financial Affairs LPA — Rachel is appointed as sole attorney. She works in banking, lives 20 minutes from David, and is highly organised. Sophie and Ben are named as replacement attorneys in that order
- Health & Welfare LPA — Rachel and Sophie are appointed jointly and severally. Ben is named as a replacement attorney. David includes a preference that both Rachel and Sophie should consult Ben on any major care decisions
- His will — David’s estate is split equally between all three children, making clear that the LPA attorney roles have nothing to do with inheritance
David sits down with all three children over a weekend and explains his reasoning. Rachel is the obvious choice for finances because of her professional background. Sophie’s role in the Health & Welfare LPA reflects her close personal relationship with David. Ben is too young and too early in his career to take on primary attorney responsibilities right now, but he is included as a replacement and will be consulted on major health decisions.
This is not a perfect arrangement — no arrangement is. But it is transparent, well-reasoned, and practical. All three children understand their roles and David’s thinking behind them.
Whatever your circumstances, our guided LPA service helps you create the right documents. See pricing for details.
Key Takeaways
- Choose attorneys on merit — select children based on practical ability, proximity, and willingness to act, not to avoid hurting feelings
- Joint and several usually works better — when children are from different relationships, joint and several appointments avoid the risk of one disagreement blocking all decisions
- Split LPA types between children — giving one child the financial LPA and another the health and welfare LPA can balance responsibilities and reduce perceived favouritism
- Use preferences and instructions — set clear expectations in your LPA about communication, consultation, and how major decisions should be approached
- Have the conversation now — explain your choices to all your children while you can, so they understand the reasoning before a crisis arises
- Consider a professional for high-conflict families — if family dynamics make it impossible to appoint a child without causing serious conflict, a professional attorney removes the personal element entirely
Common Questions About LPAs and Children From Different Relationships
Do I have to appoint all my children as attorneys on my LPA?
No. There is no legal requirement to appoint all your children. You can choose one child, some children, or none at all. The decision should be based on who is best suited to the role, not on fairness or equal treatment. An attorney needs to be trustworthy, capable of managing finances or health decisions, and available when needed.
Can I appoint children from different relationships as joint attorneys?
Yes. You can appoint children from different relationships to act jointly, jointly and severally, or a combination of both. Joint attorneys must agree on every decision. Joint and several attorneys can act independently. If your children do not get along, joint and several is often more practical because one disagreement will not block all decisions.
What if my children from different relationships disagree about my care?
If your attorneys are appointed jointly, they must all agree on every decision. A single disagreement can paralyse the LPA entirely. If appointed jointly and severally, any one attorney can act alone, which avoids deadlock but can cause resentment. You can reduce the risk by leaving clear preferences and instructions in your LPA, and by talking to your children about your wishes while you still can.
Will choosing one child as attorney over another affect my will?
An LPA and a will are separate legal documents that serve different purposes. Appointing one child as attorney does not change who inherits under your will. However, an attorney managing your finances could affect the size of your estate — for example, by spending money on your care. Making your wishes clear in both documents helps prevent misunderstandings between your children.
This guide was last reviewed and updated on . Information is based on current legislation and OPG guidance for England and Wales.
Official Guidance
Government guidance on GOV.UK
Take the First Step Today
Creating an LPA is one of the most important things you can do for yourself and your family.
