How to Have the LPA Conversation With Your Family

Written by James Tyrrell · Reviewed by Anthony Dalton · Last reviewed 9 April 2026

Most people know they should set up a Lasting Power of Attorney. The forms aren’t complicated. The cost isn’t prohibitive. What stops people isn’t the paperwork — it’s the conversation. Talking to your parents about losing capacity, or asking your partner to think about worst-case scenarios, can feel deeply uncomfortable. So the conversation gets postponed, sometimes until it’s too late.

Why This Conversation Matters — and Why People Avoid It

A Lasting Power of Attorney can only be created while the donor — the person it’s for — still has mental capacity. That means they must be able to understand what the LPA does, who they’re appointing, and why. Once that capacity is gone, the door closes permanently.

Yet families routinely avoid the subject. It touches on ageing, illness, death, and control — topics most of us would rather not raise over Sunday lunch. There’s a fear of upsetting a parent, seeming morbid, or coming across as if you’re after something. For couples, it can feel like tempting fate.

The result? Thousands of families every year end up in the Court of Protection, spending thousands of pounds and months of time to get legal authority that a single conversation could have prevented. A ten-minute chat now can save your family enormous stress, cost, and heartache later.

When to Bring It Up — Practical Triggers That Make It Easier

Timing matters. Raising the subject out of the blue at a family gathering can catch people off guard. It’s much easier when there’s a natural prompt — something that makes the topic feel relevant rather than alarming.

Good moments to start the conversation include:

• A parent approaching retirement — when people are already thinking about finances and the future
• Buying a house or remortgaging — solicitors often raise LPAs during property transactions
• A health scare in the family — when the reality of losing capacity suddenly feels closer
• A child turning 18 — parents lose all legal authority at this point, which surprises many families
• A news story or TV programme — stories about dementia or someone left without legal protection can open the door naturally
• Writing or updating a will — an LPA is arguably more important than a will, so it makes sense to sort both at once
• You’ve just done your own — "I’ve just set mine up — have you thought about it?" is one of the simplest ways in

How to Start the Conversation — Practical Opening Lines

The biggest mistake people make is turning this into a formal sit-down. That immediately raises defences. Instead, keep it casual, brief, and framed around planning — not illness or death.

Here are some opening lines that work well:

• “I’ve been sorting out some of my own paperwork and it made me think — have you got power of attorney set up?”
• “Did you see that article about families who couldn’t access their parents’ bank accounts? Apparently you need something called an LPA.”
• “The solicitor mentioned power of attorney when we were buying the house. I didn’t realise how important it was.”
• “I was reading that if something happened to either of us, the other one couldn’t even pay the mortgage without an LPA. Did you know that?”

Notice the pattern: none of these say “we need to talk about what happens when you get dementia.” They come from curiosity, from something you’ve read, or from your own experience. That makes the other person a partner in the conversation rather than the subject of it.

Talking to Elderly Parents About Creating an LPA

This is the conversation most people find hardest. Your parents may see it as you suggesting they’re losing their mind, or they may feel you’re trying to take control of their finances. Neither is true, but the sensitivity is real.

A few principles that help:

• Lead with your own LPA — if you’ve already set one up (or plan to), mention that first. It reframes the conversation as something everyone does, not something being imposed on them.
• Emphasise that they stay in control — an LPA doesn’t take anything away. The donor keeps all their rights and decision-making power for as long as they have capacity.
• Make it about protection, not decline — “This makes sure nobody else can interfere with your wishes” is more reassuring than “This is in case you get dementia.”
• Mention what happens without one — most parents are shocked to learn that even their spouse or children cannot legally manage their affairs without an LPA or a court order.
• Don’t push for a decision on the spot — plant the seed. Offer to send them some information. Give them time to think.

If a parent is reluctant, it can help to suggest they speak to their GP or a trusted family friend. Sometimes hearing it from someone outside the immediate family makes the message easier to accept. Our guide on LPAs for elderly parents goes into more detail.

Talking to Your Partner or Spouse About Mutual LPAs

Many couples assume that being married or in a civil partnership means they can automatically act for each other. This is one of the most common — and most dangerous — misconceptions about LPAs.

Without a registered LPA, a spouse cannot access their partner’s bank accounts, sell jointly owned property on their behalf, or make decisions about their medical care. Even joint accounts can be frozen if the bank learns that one account holder has lost capacity.

The good news is that this is usually the easiest conversation to have. Frame it as a practical step you take together:

• “Let’s do our LPAs at the same time — it’ll take an hour and then it’s done.”
• “If something happened to me tomorrow, you wouldn’t be able to touch my pension or deal with the mortgage. We should sort this out.”

Couples often create mirror LPAs — each person names the other as their primary attorney. It’s straightforward, and doing both at the same time is more cost-effective. The government registration fee is £92 per LPA, so a couple creating both types each would pay £368 in total. Our guide on when to create an LPA explains the full process.

Talking to Adult Children About Being Named as Attorney

Choosing someone as your attorney is a significant decision — and accepting the role is equally significant. If you’re planning to name your adult children, they need to understand what it involves before they agree.

An attorney has a legal duty to act in the donor’s best interests, keep their finances separate, and make decisions the donor would have made themselves. It’s not a blank cheque — it’s a responsibility governed by the Mental Capacity Act 2005 and overseen by the Office of the Public Guardian.

When raising this with your children, be clear about:

• What the role actually involves — managing bills, dealing with banks, making care decisions. Point them to our guide on the duties of an attorney
• When the power kicks in — for a Health and Welfare LPA, only after the donor loses capacity. For Property and Financial Affairs, potentially straight away (if the donor chooses)
• Whether they’ll share the role — will they act jointly with a sibling, or jointly and severally? This affects how decisions get made day to day
• Your wishes and preferences — the more they understand about what you want, the easier their job will be if the time comes

Don’t assume your children will feel honoured. Some may feel anxious about the responsibility or uncomfortable making financial decisions for a parent. That’s normal. Give them space to ask questions, and reassure them that the LPA includes safeguards and that they won’t be acting alone.

What to Do If Family Members Resist or Disagree

Not everyone will be receptive. A parent might insist they don’t need one. A sibling might disagree about who should be named attorney. A partner might feel it’s morbid or unnecessary.

If someone pushes back, don’t force it. Pressure rarely works with something this personal. Instead:

• Share information, not opinions — send them a guide or article. Let the facts do the work
• Involve a third party — a GP, solicitor, or financial adviser can raise the subject in a way that feels less loaded
• Use real examples — most people know a family that struggled because no LPA was in place. Mentioning a specific case can be more persuasive than abstract warnings
• Come back to it later — sometimes people need time to process the idea. Raise it again gently in a few weeks

Where siblings disagree about LPA decisions — such as who should be attorney or whether to appoint jointly or jointly and severally — it can help to discuss the options openly. The donor has the final say, but involving everyone early reduces the chance of resentment or conflict later.

The Consequences of Not Having the Conversation

When someone loses mental capacity without an LPA in place, their family cannot step in automatically. There is no legal shortcut, no emergency form, and no exception for spouses or children.

Instead, a family member must apply to the Court of Protection for a deputyship order. This process typically takes six months or longer, costs upwards of £1,000, and involves annual reporting and ongoing court supervision. While the application is being processed, nobody can manage the person’s finances, sell their property, or make decisions about their care.

In practice, this means:

• Bills go unpaid. Direct debits bounce. Credit ratings suffer.
• A house that needs to be sold to fund care sits empty for months.
• Family members argue about who should apply for deputyship — and the court decides.
• Medical professionals make treatment decisions without family input, because no one has legal authority to be consulted.

Compare that with an LPA, which costs £92 to register, takes a few hours to complete, and gives your chosen person immediate legal authority when it’s needed. The maths is simple. The only hard part is having the conversation — and you’ve already started by reading this.

Common Questions About Discussing LPAs With Family

This guide was last reviewed and updated on 9 April 2026. Information is based on current legislation and OPG guidance for England and Wales.

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